Part 2: “Mutual Submission in Marriage”
Introduction
Some may think egalitarians are repulsed by the idea of submission, especially a wifely submission towards her husband. Being submissive has the pejorative connotation of being malleable and passive; hardly seen as qualities to aspire to. Nevertheless, there are numerous calls for wives to submit to their husbands in the New Testament (Ep 5:22-24; Col 3:18; Tit 2:4-5; 1 Pet 3:1). To many, this may be repulsive. I would argue, however, that an egalitarian with a high view of scripture will embrace submission as a very high calling to imitate Christ, as he came to serve us and submitted to death on the cross for our benefit.
Many egalitarians see scripture as requiring submission of all believers to one another, as is commanded in Ephesians 5:21. I seems to me that complementarians are the ones who have an issue with submission, as they do not think a husband should submit to his wife[i]. They do not seem to understand that submission is to be Christ-like, our highest calling. They do not see it as a posture required of all believers.
So perhaps we need to re-examine this call to submission; giving it new life and meaning as it may apply to our lives today.
In Ephesians we find one of the most powerful calls to mutual submission:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
(Ep 5:21, NIV)
This call to mutual submission frames the following discussion by Paul as to what it looks like in marital, familial, and business relationships (Ep 5:21-6:9).
This will be a three-part series on mutual submission as discussed in Ephesians. The first part about the call to mutual submission and what it means, the second, a look at mutual submission in marriage, and lastly, mutual submission as it should be lived out in familial and business relations.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Part 1).
Submission as an imitation of Christ
I think Paul’s idea starts at the beginning of Ephesians 5 and that it illuminates everything that follows.
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
(Ep 5:1-2, ESV)
How did Jesus love us? By sacrificing himself for us. We are therefore to imitate God and walk in self-sacrificial love as Christ did.
Paul then continues by contrasting ungodly behavior with the godly behavior we should exemplify as imitators of Christ. To not be immoral, but be like saints. To not talk foolishly, but with thanksgiving. To not walk in darkness, but in light. To not be unwise, but wise. And lastly, to not be drunk with wine, but be filled with the Spirit (Ep 5:3-18).
Next, Paul gives examples of how to live by the Spirit, ending in a call to mutual submission (Ep 5:17-21). I think the ESV translates well how verse 21, “submitting to one another”, ties into this living by the Spirit with respect to the Greek text.
“And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
(Ep 5:18-21, ESV)
Therefore, the call to submission cannot be separated from what comes before; our submission to one another is an expression of a Spirit-filled life. It is also a consequence of what it means to be like Jesus: loving, and self-sacrificial. This means that our understanding of submission needs to recognize how Christ lived out this quality by “giving himself up for us” (v.2).
I have argued that submission in verse 21 is tied to what comes before it. However, I do not think we can divorce this verse from the following section either. Otherwise, it would read: “Wifes to your own husbands as to the Lord” (translation my own). There being no verb in this verse, we naturally take it from the section preceding it: “submitting to one another”. And since, after addressing wives, Paul addresses husbands, these ideas also belong together. Paul then continues into Ep 6:9, addressing the submission of children and parents, and slaves and masters. We will continue the discussion on these sections in parts 2 and 3.
Definition of submission
Now that we have determined that submission to one another is part of a Spirit-filled walk in love as Christ did, we should try and determine what submission means, and what it might look like to understand how to apply it to our lives.
The Greek word translated as “submit” is the verb ὑποτάσσω/hupotassó. It comes from the words ὑπό/hupo, under, and τάσσω/tasso, to arrange in an orderly manner. Submitting to one another may therefore mean to place ourselves under another person. We are to place others before ourselves, their needs above our needs. It is a call to selflessness in the service of others, in reverence for Christ who showed ultimate selflessness by dying for us on the cross so that we may have life. This is a call for us all, to imitate Christ to the fullest. It is a radical command. A universal appeal to selfless service to one another, out of love, and in reverence and respect for our Lord Jesus Christ, our model of submission.
This putting aside of one’s own needs to consider that of others as being Christ-like is perfectly described in Philippians 2:3-8:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!”
(Phil 2:3-8, NIV)
We are all to value others above ourselves, to put others’ interests above our own. This is mutual submission described in words better than my own. If God himself, who is above all in authority and power, came to serve us as Christ on the cross, we must not be so conceited as to believe ourselves above submission to our brothers and sisters in Christ. This applies to everyone.
Notice, also, that we are called to submit to one another; we are not to subordinate others to our will, but to serve others.
Submission in relation to authority
Granted, submission often does refer to submission to someone in authority over us, such as the government (Rom 13:1). But we can also understand submission as an attitude of the self without regard for the position of another in relation to us. That seems to be the sense here as submission to one another is to be like Christ, who put aside his authority to come to serve us, taking on “the very nature of a servant”. God is not our subordinate, he is high above us in authority, yet he came and served us. In the same way, if we look at Christ’s submission to the Father, Christ is not subordinate to the father, below him in authority. They both have the same authority and power, being both God.
Additionally, Paul is telling all of us to submit to one another, not just some of us. The “to one another” indicates that it is reciprocal. He is not asking us to submit only to those who have authority over us, but to one another. It seems to be a voluntary act that has nothing to do with any authority someone may have over us. Therefore, this call is not only for subordinates to submit to those in authority over them, but for all, even those in place of authority, to take on a submissive attitude towards one another. It is a called to submission no matter what our status is: male or female, parent or child, slave or free.
It is to be done in reverence of Christ. That is, in conformity to our submission to God, in imitation of Christ, as we remember how he served us. Therefore, our submission to others is never to go against what is right to do. It is not to obey the other blindly, it is to act in the other’s best interest. It is to be done in love, in imitation of our Lord Jesus Christ, the ultimate example of self-sacrificial love and service.
Submission or service does not require subordination or hierarchy. Jesus is our servant-savior, yet he is high above us in power, might, and authority. He did not use his power to rule over us, rather, he put all that aside to come to our aid, and in the most selfless act of all humanity, to die on the cross so that anyone who believes in him may have eternal life. Likewise, we are to put aside any authority we have for the service of others.
Paul continues in Ephesians describing in more detail what this submission looks like for husband and wives, parents and children, and lastly, slaves and masters (Ep 5:22-6:9). This is what submission looks like more concretely according to our station in life. Come back next week to explore how Paul describes mutual submission as it should be lived out in a christian marriage.
[i] Burk, Denny. “Does Ephesians 5 teach mutual submission?” The Council on Biblical Manhood and womanhood. August 21, 2019. https://cbmw.org/2019/08/21/does-ephesians-521-teach-mutual-submission/
Well said 🙂
Thank you 🙂