Part 1: “Submit to one Another out of Reverence for Christ”
Part 2: “Mutual Submission in Marriage”
The Household Code
Wives submit to your husbands; children obey your parents; slaves obey your masters… Stay in your lane! Uphold the forces that be! Is that what Paul was saying? Maintain the status quo? Back then, men had legal authority over their wives, children, and slaves[1]. Did Paul just continue to affirm these authority structures? Or did he address this patriarchal ideology and completely transform it to be more in line with what is respectable in Christ?
This is part 3 of a series on mutual submission in Ephesians. We will discuss Paul’s instructions to children and parents and to slaves and their masters and how he reframes these relationships in light of Christ.
Children and parents
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
(Ep 6:1-3, NIV)
Paul instructed children to obey their parents in the Lord. Paul’s instructions to children and slaves: to obey, contrasts with what he told wives: to submit to their husbands as we are all to submit to one another in reverence for Christ (see part 1&2). What is Paul’s reasoning for doing so? Perhaps Paul recognizes a power imbalance between children and their parents and between slaves and masters. Alternatively, maybe it is to remind us that we are all to obey our Father and Master in heaven, God (Dt 6). Between parents and children, however, this power imbalance is temporary. When we are no longer children, we are to submit to God alone. Even as children, obedience to parents is done in the Lord; children must not obey parents if they instruct them in ungodly ways.
Paul relates this to the old testament command to “Honor your father and mother” (Ex 20.12). There is equality between the man and the woman, as both parents are to be recipients of deference. This equality is remarkable from a historical perspective since the father was the ultimate ruler of the home. An equal role for the mother was not recognized in the roman empire[2]. Scripture tells a different story, one of equal responsibility of fathers and mothers in the home.
Parents, do not exasperate your children
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
(Ep 6:4, NIV)
Notice that Paul does not tell parents to “rule over your children” or “make your children obedient.” He tells them to do the opposite, not to use the power they have over their children to exasperate them. Paul does refer to fathers here (not parents); either fathers were the ones with the problematic behavior, or he used the term “fathers” as a generic term for “parents.”
Parents are also children of God and should remember how God treats them to inform how they treat their children. God does not lord his power over us; instead, he came to die for us, even as we were in disobedience (Rom 5:8). Christ’s example is not one of dominion but of grace, compassion, love, humility, and service.
As a new mother to a young child, now 17 months, I have experienced what it means to serve my child and submit to his needs every day. I feed him from my own body or the work of my hands. I help him fall asleep and attend to him every time he wakes (much to the sacrifice of my own sleep). I console him for every bump and bruise, leaving everything I was doing to respond to his cry in pain. As he gets older, I am to instruct him in the way of the Lord. I believe I do all this to show him that there is love in this world so that he may one day understand God’s love that greatly surpasses my own. I also understand that I serve my son, not the other way around.
Nevertheless, there is still a power imbalance between parents and children. Parents still have legal rights over their children. For example, parents control what medical procedures their children will or will not go through. However, we should remember that these protections we have over our children are for the child’s benefit. God provides parents to children for the child’s wellbeing: to care for them, protect them, and instruct them. Children do not belong to parents for the parents’ own selfish gains; these children ultimately belong to God. God does not want us to use our power to serve our own selfish needs but to place our child’s needs above our own (Phil 2:3-8). This is mutual submission as it is to be lived out between parents and children.
Paul’s address to slaves and masters
Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.
(Ep 6:5-9, NIV)
This passage, and others like it, have been greatly abused in history. They have been used as weapons against slaves to justify their continued mistreatment. This is deeply grieving, and we still live with the consequences to this day.
Paul is recognizing a power imbalance between slaves and masters, but not reinforcing it. Paul is not justifying that authority; he is trying to correct its brokenness. Christians at that time were the minority, and they were being persecuted; they were not going to change the society they were living in overnight. God changes the heart first, and we cannot expect society to change without the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Thus, not realistically expecting to abolish slavery in the Roman empire, Paul gives instructions to believers on what attitude they should take in this context. Moreover, I believe that Paul completely turns this hierarchy on its head, creating the groundwork on which slavery can be overturned and abolished.
Instructions for slaves
Paul did instruct slaves to obey their master; they had no choice really. They would probably have been beaten or killed for insubordination. However, he reframes obedience to be done in reverence for God, not men. I think that God expects us to be like Christ regardless of our situation. We may have very little control over how those in authority treat us: the government, church leaders, parents, or employers. That does not justify any wrongdoing on our part. Paul addresses the attitude we are to take in the position we find ourselves in; this we can all model, as we are all slaves of God (Rom 6:22, Ep 6:6).
We should accomplish the work we have to do as though we are doing it for the Lord. This changes our whole perspective. What Paul instructs slaves to do is an excellent example for all of us. We should respect our employer, for he pays our salary. We should act with honesty: not lying to get ahead or to cover up our mistakes, and transparent in how we spend our time. We should work wholeheartedly, as though we were working for God: being hard at work, not lazy, or doing the least possible amount of work possible. If we work in this manner, we can feel accomplished and rest assured that God sees us and values our work.
However, Paul encouraged slaves to gain their freedom if they could do so (1 Co 7:20-22). Slavery is not an ideal situation, far from it! Paul disapproved of this practice, yet he helped people under the yoke of slavery keep heart and encouraged them to remain Christ-like, even in their oppressed condition.
Instructions to masters
And masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
(Ep 6:5-9, NIV)
What seems to have been ignored in history is what Paul tells the masters: “treat your slaves in the same way”! Wow! He is telling masters to treat their slaves as if they were their masters. He is telling them to submit to them, to be attentive to the needs of their slaves, and to serve them. This reminds me of one of Jesus’s parables:
“It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes. Truly I tell you, he will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them.“
(Lk 12:37, NIV)
This is preposterous! Nevertheless, this is what a good master does according to Jesus, our one and only good Master. Christ completely transforms our relationships, demolishing the hierarchies between us.
Paul adds that masters must not threaten their slaves. Paul was saying that any power a master has over a slave is never to be used against them. Instead, we should all treat each other as brothers and sisters, never as slaves. Why did the slave traders and holders abuse Paul’s words to slaves to obey their masters, and at the same time, ignore Paul’s words to not threaten their slaves?
Paul was not affirming slavery; he saw it as broken, subject to abuse, and in need of the transformation of Christ. Paul was very bold in how he asked masters to treat their slaves, here and elsewhere. Remember Paul’s words to Philemon:
“Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back forever— no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a fellow man and as a brother in the Lord…. Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask.”
(Phil 1:15-16.21, NIV)
Paul was asking Philemon to treat Onesimus, no longer as a slave, but as a dear brother, even asking Philemon to do even more than that! He was basically asking Philemon to set Onesimus free. Paul told him he would himself pay back anything that Onesimus owed him. Back then, people sometimes sold themselves as slaves to pay back a debt they could not pay back otherwise. Paul telling Philemon he would pay Onesimus’s debt is saying, very directly, that he expects Philemon to set Onesimus free and that he himself will pay what is needed for this to be done (if money were to be an obstacle for Philemon to do so) (Phil 1:18-19).
Slavery and woman’s subjection
We have recently recognized that slavery cannot be justified by Scripture. Even though Paul instructed slaves to obey their earthly masters, we cannot justify the subjection of one to another. However, we still justify the subjection of women to men on this same basis: that Paul told women to submit to their husbands. This is to commit the same mistake that was made in enslaving black people to white people. Why are we so sure to recognize one as an abomination but the other as the will of God?
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
(Gal 3:28)
We have broken down the barrier between Jew and Gentile, slave and free. Why not between men and women?
Equality before God
God does not show favoritism!
You know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.
(Ep 6:9, NIV)
God does not regard one person as having more value than another; we are all made in God’s image (Gn 1:27), and Christ died for all (Jn 3:16). God does not see the master as being above their slave, a parent above their child, nor a man being more important than his wife. Our earthly hierarchies mean nothing to him. God looks at the heart, and a vain, conceited, and self-serving person is not in line with the Holy Spirit (Phil 2:3-8). If we hold on to our authority and lord it over others, we are not obeying God. If a man tells his wife, his child, or his employee: “you need to submit to me,” he has not understood. A man filled with the Holy Spirit will ask, “how can I serve you?”
All these passages we have looked at must have deeply shaken the men who believed they had authority over their wives, children, and slaves. Paul was telling them that they must also serve others as Christ did:
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
(Mk 10:45, NIV)
We are to imitate Christ, walk in love just as he loved us, and give ourselves up for God: submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
[1] Arnold, Clinton E. “Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament: Ephesians”. Zondervan. Grand Rapids, Michigan. 2010. ePub Edition June 2016: 978-0-310-49215-3. P. 758
[2] From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, “Pater familias”. Accessed April 28th 2021, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pater_familias#cite_note-1
